Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
