My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
