so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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