Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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