I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
