Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
