dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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