was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
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