I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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