Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I faked an abortion last night.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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