but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
