I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
