That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
