no you cant smoke seaweed
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
