Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
