sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
