I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
