he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
