the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
