So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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