Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
