i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
