chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
