the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
