you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
