Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
