This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
