Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
