I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
