Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
