last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
