how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
