remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
the raccoons are back...
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