i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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