i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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