At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
