Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
