One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Someone shattered a urinal.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
