Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
