The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
