You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
