Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
