Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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