I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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