My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
