somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
