she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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