Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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