too bad you live with your parents still
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
