Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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