he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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