new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
