He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
