Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
