my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We're too hungover to prance.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
