I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
